“My father is a programmer,” Y said proudly during one of those slow hours in class. “That’s how I know a lot about computers.”
“So he’s good at games, huh?” someone asked.
A boy from the back laughed. “Programmer, not pro gamer, dumbass.”
The class chuckled for a moment before the noise faded back into the usual boredom of the afternoon.
From his seat, X kept thinking about what Y had said. He had always been fascinated by computers. For as long as he could remember, he imagined himself becoming a programmer someday.
But talking to people was another matter. X was the quiet kind. He had learned that if he spoke less, people noticed him less. And when people noticed him less, there was usually less trouble.
Ever since his early years at school, something in him had closed off. The other kids thought he was cold, maybe even cruel. The kind of boy who wouldn’t reply to a simple “hi” unless he absolutely had to. What they didn’t know was much simpler. X had never really learned how friends were supposed to treat each other — because he had never had one before.
X was appointed as the class leader, not because his classmates trusted him, but because no one else wanted the responsibility. X was the perfect choice — that quiet boy who didn’t even know how to say “no.”
X never liked being the class leader. But after some time, he began to enjoy it. It was mostly because of Y. She started interacting with him more often, even if it was usually about schoolwork.
Around that time, something strange began to happen to X. He started feeling something he had never felt before. He paid more attention whenever Y spoke, looking for excuses to talk to her, trying to spend a little more time around her.
He never really understood what was happening to him. It was a feeling he had never known before. And just as he was beginning to make sense of it, everything stopped.
The Covid pandemic began. X and Y never saw each other in person again.
That was until the following year, when X and Y somehow crossed paths again. They were no longer in the same class, and during online lessons there was almost no chance for them to see each other. But something unexpected happened. X was elected as the class leader again. And so was Y. Because of that, they began interacting more often during those months.
Around that time, X finally had a friend. Someone he could talk to about almost anything — even about Y.
X’s friends insisted it was love. He didn’t argue. After all, he had no experience with that feeling. Besides, Y was the kind of person anyone could admire — gorgeous, smart, and most importantly, kind in a way that made people feel noticed.
Before long, X found himself learning many things because of her. He began listening to the music she liked, trying songs he had never cared for before. He watched movies she recommended. Anything, really. Just so he would have something to talk about with her later.
Around that time, Y recommended a song to him, X&Y by Coldplay. He didn’t even like the song that much. Still, he listened to it every single day.
One night, out of the blue, Y asked him if he had ever had a crush on someone. X was startled. He had never had one before. Except her. His choice was simple — lie to the person he loved, or tell the truth. He chose the latter. And this time, it was Y who was startled.
Y was confused about what X was trying to achieve. His words left her wondering for days. But he just want to confess, want to lift the weight above his chest. He expect nothing else and she tried to understand it.
The days goes on, they still talks like a good old friends, asking each others how their days going, helping each others in needs.
Until one night, out of the blue, X sent a question that changed the course of their story.
“Have you ever loved someone?”
Y replied almost immediately, “You.”
X stared at the screen for a moment before typing back, “I don’t think I ever loved anyone before you.”
A few seconds later, another message appeared.
“That wasn’t a question. I do love you.”
And this time, it was X who was left stunned. For the first time in his life, someone loved him back. For a moment, it felt as if the universe had finally decided to be on his side.
But things soon became complicated. When two people are drawn to each other, one of them sometimes begins to expect something more — a relationship. Something X couldn’t offer at the time. Y might have thought he simply had commitment issues. But the truth was less dramatic. X’s parents were strict. They wanted him to focus on his academics, nothing else.
It didn’t last long.
A few months later, on a random evening, Y told him that she had started to like someone else. It broke his heart. X cried for days after that.
She might have thought he was never that serious about her.
What she didn’t know was that X simply didn’t know what to do. There were too many constraints around him. Still, he never blamed her for what happened that evening. Deep down, he already knew their story would not go anywhere. In a strange way, her honesty was probably the best thing for both of them.
And that was when the song X&Y by Coldplay finally started to make sense to him.
I dive in at the deep end, you become my best friend,
I wanna love you, but I don’t know if I can.
Today, their love is nothing more than a story from the past — but he still loves “X&Y”.